Summer Time in the Rockies

On May 7th, this semester's final exams ended for me after I submitted a 10-15 page paper for "Death Penalty/Habeus Corpus," and a 13 page take home exam for "Corporate Tax." Neither was too difficult, though many days I had little motivation to actually work on either one. I guess every law student feels that way sometimes though, huh? I did well on both fianl exams, especially considering I just had brain surgery in January. I'll be sure to put that on my resume :) Anyway, almost immediately afterwards, Amanda and I visited family back in North Jersey. Amanda returned to Philly that Sunday to start work early the following Monday morning, but I took the opportunity to hang out just a bit longer and I returned later the next day. Finally, after a few weeks of relaxing, catching up on some pro bono work, and arranging for an oncologist out in Colorado, I left for the Colorado Attorney General's Office, Appellate Division, where I'm currently interning.

This summer I'll be researching and writing various appeals for the state of Colorado, a skill that I really look forward to improving and (hopefully) at a place I'd love to work sometime after graduation. So far, it's been wonderful. The "dress code" (very casual, the first day I wore a nice shirt and tie and they told me I was too formal!), the attorneys (all very smart), and the hours (bliss!) are all relaxed and close to ideal. I hope to make some good contacts for post-graduation employment while I'm here, including clerkships, even though I've found that I can say awkward things sometimes that make me laugh afterwards while probably making others cringe. I'd like to blame that on my surgery too but I imagine it was there all along and I just didn't notice it.

Lawyers don't make nearly as much in public service as their corporate firm counterparts, but we do get weekends and holidays (both state and federal) off, and our workdays usually end around 5 or 6:00-ish. Basically, government lawyers have lives, but without the money to live them. While some of my classmates will be buying gold-plated first editions of the latest Harry Potter book, I'll be heading to the local library to check one out. Then again, though "providing for ones family" definitely includes being able to pay the mortgage and put food on the table, the more important facet of "providing" means actually being present and available for one's family. As long as I can afford the former, it certainly looks like I'll have the latter taken care of.

So here I am, in the land of lunatic Second Amendment libertarians, marijuana-dispensary "wellness centers," crazy limo-liberals, ranchers, cowboys, and amazing mountain sunsets. Living in the heart of Denver is not bad at all. I can walk to work in about 20 minutes, passing several very decent coffee shops along the way. I am only about a 10 minute walk from three major grocery stores. And I'm surrounded by a gorgeous collection of late-Victorian homes: it kind of reminds me of Philadelphia but without the good Italian food, though with amazing outdoor opportunities that Philly couldn't even approach. Amanda is still in Philly, sticking with her personal training clients, and I can't wait for her to come out June 26th for a two week visit. I couldn't imagine being able to get that much time off this summer if I was working for a major law firm. Government lawyering is definitely for me...

One More Day!

That's right! Treatment ends tomorrow and then Friday it's margarita time, baby!

More than 2/3 of the way done

This morning I was thinking of what it will be like to wake up, on Friday, April 29th, and not have to take either my chemo pill or walk down to the Penn Medical Center for my daily radiation treatments. I'm not sure what I'll do with myself except eat a huge breakfast, during regular breakfast hours of course (remember, I am currently not allowed to eat "breakfast" until after treatment- which invariably means 10:30 or so at the earliest), and then maybe go back to bed for a nap. Though probably the more likely scenario is that I'll wake up, eat a big breakfast during normal breakfast hours, and then get going on the final paper that I have only worked on sporadically over the past few weeks. It's due on May 6th, and I still have about 15-20 pages to write! This semester has taught me that I'm either an "on" or "off" type of person; unfortunately there's no "half-way" with me. If I can find any reason to procrastinate then I often do. Sometimes it's nice to have a full agenda because then it's much easier to get things done.

I also recently spoke with my radiologist, who told me that a likely side-effect of radiation therapy (proton included) is a minor loss of "processing" ability. He said that this effect will likely continue for the next 4-6 months or so (even after treatment has concluded), but then hopefully will return (potentially back to normal) by 12 months out. So if you've had any weird conversations with me since January where I'd stare, drool, or simply not answer in the same way that I used to, blame my depleted processing ability. It HAS often impacted my ability to study. I get distracted/bored frequently with what's in front of me, but this has also been somewhat ameliorated by having a much lighter schedule than normal. Reading 5 pages of Corporate Tax per day makes my absorbtion ability much easier and, given the fact that it and some research in preparation for this summer is almost everthing for which I am responsible this semester, wholly manageable. Lesson: if you're a grad student and find yourself with some kind of brain tumor/other serious malady, do yourself a favor and at least lessen your semester credit load a bit.

Also, thank God that, apart from a little fatigue every now and then, my reduced processing abilities, my inability to stop talking sometimes, and my loss of hair, my treatment regime has not been nearly as bad as I had originally thought it might be. I've been able to finish a full semester's worth of law school credits, I've been able to take a reduced load and will still have no problem graduating with my class in 2011 (due to my summer research papers-God willing, of course), and I've been able to work on substantive areas of law that really interest me this semester (specifically the classes that I'm currently taking and the papers I intend to research and write this summer). I've had my 15 seconds of fame with a local news station, and I've even been allowed to drink a few glasses of beer/wine every now and then. I've become much closer to friends and family, my church and God, and my relationship with my wife has improved significantly. I guess the only downside is the fact that I have a brain tumor but really, on balance it almost sounds like a wash to me :)

More Than Half Way Done!

As of today, I have officially passed the half-way point of my treatment, which ends on April 29th. Only 16 more radiation-days to go (23 chemo-days). So far I have experienced no negative side-effects from the chemotherapy, but as I noted in my last post, my hair has begun to fall out from radiation. Basically, I just end up wearing hats most of the time (which I'm prone to do anyway) just so that I don't freak people out too much. On the rare occasions when I must remove my hat (like in our mock trial yesterday at the Federal Courthouse in downtown Philly), I try to convince myself that everyone staring at my head is either (a) intimidated by the combination of head-scar and bad-ass mustache, or; (b) feeling very sympathetic for whatever they perceive my condition to be. I'll take either, though I definitely prefer option (a). Interestingly, though I still have most of my hair in the front, a simple pinch takes pretty much all of it out from where I've pulled. Thus my hair in front of my scar has been becoming patchy and sickly-looking, not the sort of look that one necessarily strives for.

Thankfully though, I've been recently approved for 2 "Independent Study" papers for over this summer which will be done under the supervision of two professors and for 3 credits each. These 2 papers are life-savers, as their collective 6-credit load will significantly help to reduce the graduation-credit burden that I would otherwise face next year (since I'm taking a lighter credit load this semester, I would otherwise be looking at a virtually impossible 33 credit load next year!). This way, I'll only have 27 credits to complete for next year, I'll be able to graduate with my class without any problems, and the papers are both very interesting topics that will easily motivate me to get them done. Now I just need to motivate myself to get going on THIS semester's workload which, while only four credits worth, has become somewhat of a significant challenge to complete! :)

Bald is Beautiful, and Apparently Works for Hollywood Too.

So, as if my thoughts and words brought about some kind of profound change in the way God works, as soon as I realized that the "sun burn" patch on the top of my head was a precursor to my hair falling out...it began; to fall out, that is. While it's not yet at the critical stage, I'm pretty sure that everything from the mid-point of my head (basically, the scar) forward is ready to go. I can even pull it out in clumps, which I'm sure will make for a neat party trick sometime in the near future (though there is a definite life span to this type of party trick, as once it's all gone, it's all gone!) If I get bored with a party conversation, I can pretend to get super stressed out and just start tearing my hair out in front of whoever it is I'm stuck with (or...whoever happens to be stuck with me as it turns out!). Maybe this is not a "trick" per se, but at least it's a good way to end pretty much any uncomfortable scenario.So picture this: everything they've been zapping with proton radiation for the past three weeks will shed which, having tested various aspects of my hair and scalp, apparently does not include sideburns, the back of my head, or the sides up to the crown. Yep, only the front of the top of my head, which will be very strange to look at. This is not a natural balding pattern. I have considered shaving the whole thing with a razor, but my eyebrows and scar make that an unlikely (though still possible) scenario. Any suggestions are welcome. (I was considering a powdered wig just like the European "Barristers") That said, while the hair is likely to grow back 2-6 months after the end of radiation therapy (April 29th!!), vanity says that this first outward sign that I am a brain cancer patient makes me uncomfortable. Then again, if I can keep the hair off until Halloween, it will certainly make my costume cheaper. Also, thank God the mustache has been left unharmed.

1/3 Done, and 2/3 To Go!

Today marked my "1/3 of the way finished with treatment" day. Very exciting. Though I really don't have any seriously negative side effects from either the chemotherapy or the proton radiation, I am starting to develop a "sun burn" patch on the top of my head which I am told can be a precursor to hair loss :(

Apparently it's a not-to-uncommon side effect of being shot through by protons five times a week. Though I'm told it's temporary (and may even grow back a different color!) it will feel a bit strange walking around with a bald patch on the front of my head. All of those "weird-O" people I wondered about as a kid have come back to haunt me just as my grandma promised they would. Oh well, apart from a few awkward stares for a few months, I suppose things could always be much, much worse.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Particle Accelerator...

...I was interviewed by one of Philly's major news networks on how Proton Therapy affects budding law students. The whole interview lasted about a half hour or so, but as you can expect they spliced and diced and came out with about a minute of footage. Apparently it was aired twice, once at 11 PM on March 24th, and again on the 25th at 4 PM. Check out the link below if you're interested. You may have to wait a bit for the video footage to appear on the right hand side of the screen, but it's worth it to see what a proton therapy patient undergoes each day. Plus, maybe I'll finally be "discovered;" Hollywood, here I come!!

http://cbs3.com/health/Health.Alert.Proton.2.1587415.html