One More Day!

That's right! Treatment ends tomorrow and then Friday it's margarita time, baby!

More than 2/3 of the way done

This morning I was thinking of what it will be like to wake up, on Friday, April 29th, and not have to take either my chemo pill or walk down to the Penn Medical Center for my daily radiation treatments. I'm not sure what I'll do with myself except eat a huge breakfast, during regular breakfast hours of course (remember, I am currently not allowed to eat "breakfast" until after treatment- which invariably means 10:30 or so at the earliest), and then maybe go back to bed for a nap. Though probably the more likely scenario is that I'll wake up, eat a big breakfast during normal breakfast hours, and then get going on the final paper that I have only worked on sporadically over the past few weeks. It's due on May 6th, and I still have about 15-20 pages to write! This semester has taught me that I'm either an "on" or "off" type of person; unfortunately there's no "half-way" with me. If I can find any reason to procrastinate then I often do. Sometimes it's nice to have a full agenda because then it's much easier to get things done.

I also recently spoke with my radiologist, who told me that a likely side-effect of radiation therapy (proton included) is a minor loss of "processing" ability. He said that this effect will likely continue for the next 4-6 months or so (even after treatment has concluded), but then hopefully will return (potentially back to normal) by 12 months out. So if you've had any weird conversations with me since January where I'd stare, drool, or simply not answer in the same way that I used to, blame my depleted processing ability. It HAS often impacted my ability to study. I get distracted/bored frequently with what's in front of me, but this has also been somewhat ameliorated by having a much lighter schedule than normal. Reading 5 pages of Corporate Tax per day makes my absorbtion ability much easier and, given the fact that it and some research in preparation for this summer is almost everthing for which I am responsible this semester, wholly manageable. Lesson: if you're a grad student and find yourself with some kind of brain tumor/other serious malady, do yourself a favor and at least lessen your semester credit load a bit.

Also, thank God that, apart from a little fatigue every now and then, my reduced processing abilities, my inability to stop talking sometimes, and my loss of hair, my treatment regime has not been nearly as bad as I had originally thought it might be. I've been able to finish a full semester's worth of law school credits, I've been able to take a reduced load and will still have no problem graduating with my class in 2011 (due to my summer research papers-God willing, of course), and I've been able to work on substantive areas of law that really interest me this semester (specifically the classes that I'm currently taking and the papers I intend to research and write this summer). I've had my 15 seconds of fame with a local news station, and I've even been allowed to drink a few glasses of beer/wine every now and then. I've become much closer to friends and family, my church and God, and my relationship with my wife has improved significantly. I guess the only downside is the fact that I have a brain tumor but really, on balance it almost sounds like a wash to me :)

More Than Half Way Done!

As of today, I have officially passed the half-way point of my treatment, which ends on April 29th. Only 16 more radiation-days to go (23 chemo-days). So far I have experienced no negative side-effects from the chemotherapy, but as I noted in my last post, my hair has begun to fall out from radiation. Basically, I just end up wearing hats most of the time (which I'm prone to do anyway) just so that I don't freak people out too much. On the rare occasions when I must remove my hat (like in our mock trial yesterday at the Federal Courthouse in downtown Philly), I try to convince myself that everyone staring at my head is either (a) intimidated by the combination of head-scar and bad-ass mustache, or; (b) feeling very sympathetic for whatever they perceive my condition to be. I'll take either, though I definitely prefer option (a). Interestingly, though I still have most of my hair in the front, a simple pinch takes pretty much all of it out from where I've pulled. Thus my hair in front of my scar has been becoming patchy and sickly-looking, not the sort of look that one necessarily strives for.

Thankfully though, I've been recently approved for 2 "Independent Study" papers for over this summer which will be done under the supervision of two professors and for 3 credits each. These 2 papers are life-savers, as their collective 6-credit load will significantly help to reduce the graduation-credit burden that I would otherwise face next year (since I'm taking a lighter credit load this semester, I would otherwise be looking at a virtually impossible 33 credit load next year!). This way, I'll only have 27 credits to complete for next year, I'll be able to graduate with my class without any problems, and the papers are both very interesting topics that will easily motivate me to get them done. Now I just need to motivate myself to get going on THIS semester's workload which, while only four credits worth, has become somewhat of a significant challenge to complete! :)

Bald is Beautiful, and Apparently Works for Hollywood Too.

So, as if my thoughts and words brought about some kind of profound change in the way God works, as soon as I realized that the "sun burn" patch on the top of my head was a precursor to my hair falling out...it began; to fall out, that is. While it's not yet at the critical stage, I'm pretty sure that everything from the mid-point of my head (basically, the scar) forward is ready to go. I can even pull it out in clumps, which I'm sure will make for a neat party trick sometime in the near future (though there is a definite life span to this type of party trick, as once it's all gone, it's all gone!) If I get bored with a party conversation, I can pretend to get super stressed out and just start tearing my hair out in front of whoever it is I'm stuck with (or...whoever happens to be stuck with me as it turns out!). Maybe this is not a "trick" per se, but at least it's a good way to end pretty much any uncomfortable scenario.So picture this: everything they've been zapping with proton radiation for the past three weeks will shed which, having tested various aspects of my hair and scalp, apparently does not include sideburns, the back of my head, or the sides up to the crown. Yep, only the front of the top of my head, which will be very strange to look at. This is not a natural balding pattern. I have considered shaving the whole thing with a razor, but my eyebrows and scar make that an unlikely (though still possible) scenario. Any suggestions are welcome. (I was considering a powdered wig just like the European "Barristers") That said, while the hair is likely to grow back 2-6 months after the end of radiation therapy (April 29th!!), vanity says that this first outward sign that I am a brain cancer patient makes me uncomfortable. Then again, if I can keep the hair off until Halloween, it will certainly make my costume cheaper. Also, thank God the mustache has been left unharmed.